Some have noticed two of our preventive assertions most clearly:
- Internet pornography is a starting point for many young people, male and female, to enter a world of fetish brutality and self absorption.
- Males who victimize themselves with porn addiction are more likely to respond to a significant female in their life when they start to get ready to make a change.
I will agree with all who question these assertions by saying, “All your evidence is anecdotal.” I agree, but I assert that all evidence is anecdotal; no one would actually accept anything as evidence that did not actually occur, as tested by the senses.
Here is an anecdote for you. A young man was asked if he “struggled with pornography.” His reply?
“No, I don’t struggle with porn,” he said. “I give in to it right away and just enjoy it.”
Only after number of years in his expensive, demeaning porn addiction did he ask his wife to start monitoring his computer and phone records, at least once a week. He insisted to her, “If I do not give you my phone and computer when you want it, assume I am guilty.”
He had tried to let a few male friends assume this accountability over him. He discovered they had the same addiction. To monitor him only made them more susceptible to temptation. He decided he would have to trust his porn problem with the most significant female in his life.
“I still have the same desires,” he told me. “I just don’t want it badly enough to face her with porn on my phone.”
Why do we speak resolutely against porn? Our various Registered Sex Offenders (we have several) all admit to starting out with porn addictions. Some of them lost fine careers, loving families and then their freedom because they just could not stop acting on what they saw on screen.
Guys, you will not go blind or crazy because you look at porn. The losses are much, much deeper.
I agree, ladies, that you should not have to be your husband’s mother or his censor. He ought to be better than all that so he does not risk losing your respect. However, if your guy comes to you wanting your help in monitoring his on-line habits, seriously consider taking him up on his offer. Build in protections for yourself. Let him know you want to help, but you are not willing to be misled by him if you start down the recovery road with him.