Questions I Am Often Asked

As we near the end of the first month of the year 2020, I find it necessary to set aside a moment. I will use this spare moment to settle some of the questions I am often asked.

Who will win the Super Bowl this coming Sunday? The people who sell advertising space.

Who will win the game on the field, the 49ers or the Chiefs? My heart is pulling for Pat and the Chiefs. My head says the team that better defends the other team’s offense will win. The Chief defense will not stop the 49er running game. The 49ers will better defend the Chief offense. Ergo, the Lombardi Trophy will go back to the Bay Area. Insert choking noise here.

When is the last time you had a haircut? I last had a haircut on August 23, 2019, the third anniversary of my car wreck, or, as my daughter calls it, my wreckiversary.

Are you aware hair grows at the rate of about one half inch per month? Yes. Yes I am.

Do you plan to visit a barber any time soon? Please identify the barber, then define the words “visit” and “soon.”

Will you ever retire from the ministry? I will quit today if someone will show me how to retire from a calling. Begin now.

So, there we go. I am now divested of my need to answer my most often asked questions.

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