You Know It’s A Bad Thing…

…when you see certain signs. Among them, in no particular order, are these:

1. You open the front door of a restaurant and the flies come out.

2. You are a football player and your position coach tells you, "Son, you need to take up the clarinet."

3. You are a clarinet player and the band leader says, "I think you should take up farming."

4. You take up farming and your neighbors tell you, "You are killing our crops, just by association.

5.  You start to understand how inflation can rise while home values decline.

6.  You still work as hard as ever but friends keep asking you how you are enjoying retirement.

7.  You start to understand the musical works of Fi'ty Cents.

8. Your hearing gets to be more regressive than selective.

9. You feel sorry for the people on the presidential tickets and then realize they are a big part of the parties that got us in this mess.

10. You wake up with sleep related injuries.

Two More:

11. You get to the Pearly Gates, only to hear St. Peter tell a nearby angel, "Put him in the smoking section."

12. Waitresses call you "sweetheart," because you remind them of their Pa-Paw.

And, then two more,

13. You finally learn to laugh at yourself and discover everyone else already knew how.

14. Your anesthesiologist keeps calling you Norma, even though your name is Charles.

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